Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Toilet Training

I’m at my workplace right now and just a few minutes ago I was in the washroom taking my morning crapper. It’s my private time that I use to enjoy my reading. I was just about done when I heard my boss talking to someone else outside my stall. When this happens, and it’s quite frequent that it does, I try to avoid him by staying inside my stall and waiting until he goes away.

I apply this technique for everyone I have no interest in talking to.

Once, a while ago, I slipped up and paid heavily. I found myself backed into a conversation I didn’t want to have because it related to work I hadn’t done yet.

My other technique is to wait people out by standing in front of the urinal with my back to them even long after I’m done. This is the less preferred alternate strategy. It is more challenging because those few seconds you’re delaying feel like an eternity – it’s a test of wills and a real measure of one’s inner strength to continually do this. In our company it’s especially difficult because we have mouthwash in each washroom. This provides a convenient but very annoying lingering tactic. But much worst than the gargling, are the people who just stand around forever in front of the mirror combing their hair. At this point I’m usually defeated – there’s a limit to how long I’m willing to stand around with my fly open.

I am such a chicken.

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